My Mind is in the Gutter

Well, on the house rain gutters anyway*. We've had over ten inches of rain in September whereas the norm is closer to three. Our son's "cave" in the cellar got wet, and anyone whose basement has flooded knows what a pain and expense that can be.

So, after I put away the box fans & Lysol cans, I called a gutter man.

He works for a building company we have dealt with before and I know it won't turn into one of these fiascos. The company is headquartered right on the flower-planted edge of Amish country, and most who work there are either Mennonite or Go-to-church-on-Sunday-AND-Wednesday Night kinda folks. They've put on roofs for us, consulted with us on design work, and have proved themselves not to be dolts. Rare as hen's teeth, in my experience.

The estimator who came to my door looked to be about my son's age; it was all I could do not to reach out and grab a lovely pinch of that fair rosy cheek and give it a tweak. His last name is "Stoltfus", which in USA terms is equivalent to "Doe". (I've never ever met a Doe though, have you?) Driving around the back roads, we see a whole lot of Stoltfus's on mailboxes. How does the postman know which Stoltfus is which?

Soon, I'll be able to take my mind OUT of the gutter and back onto more meaningful things, like; will I ever fit into my ancient pre-pregnancy jeans or should I just throw them out now & be done with it?

• I have been making it to the gym regularly, which cancels out that glass or two of healthy red wine (wink, wink;) I've started having occasionally.
• I got a flu shot for the first time ever.
• I am still a non-smoker after a month.
• I take my vitamins every morning.
• My fingernails are finally all one length.
Okay, that last point has nothing to do with getting healthy.

Here's our dog, Shadow, doing his Hell Hound impression:

He's just winding down from a "Speak!" command.

* Actually, my mind is often that gutter too. My husband likes that about me. It's why the Hag is (mostly) Happy:)

I copied this post from my old blog because I can.
Gnat-turally Thin


I figured out a new way to battle flab ~ gnats!


Yes, gnats, my friend, can finally make your arms toned and beauticious.


Our son is on the varsity golf team (co-captain, may I brag?) and I volunteered to take photos of the team's matches.


As I trailed the team up and down the hills & vales, I realized I probably could have skipped the hour on the tready this morning. I also realized that the shirt I was wearing was the exact color of our opponents teams shirts, plus, it was extremely muggy & hot. 


A part of my brain also registered the fact that I was the only female for miles around. Men; old, young and and every age in between, abounded. Okay, it's creepy to say that when one of them is your son, but there it is. Fins to the left, fins to the right ~ single ladies, this is a hint ~ take yourself to a golf course.


A sheen of sweat started popping out on my forehead as I clicked away at the boys. Then the gnats discovered me. 


Gnats, great clouds of 'em, were intent on landing anywhere they could on my head. No head orifice was safe. One gnat managed to get through my windmilling arms to land in my eye, which immediately began to sting & water profusely, trashing any make-up that had survived the sweat. Five gnats flew into my left ear and only three came out of my right ear. Gnats set up a carnival in my hair, gnats explored any exposed skin they could find, despite my flailing arms and flapping hands. HOW did the boys stand it? Duh. Bug spray. I must not forget bug spray for the next golf match.


My arms got one heck of a workout though :)

Thar's me boy! 

Far enough away to preserve any humiliation of being pictured on Mom's blog.

"Lose Weight Without Dieting!"
That magical phrase should immediately set off warning bells in your ever-hopeful brain.

Yesterday, I sat down to watch some TV and stumbled onto an infomercial for Sensa, The Sprinkle Diet. The name alone makes me titter :) The idea behind this product is that you sprinkle their "Tastant Crystals" on all your food and the smell & taste will convince your brain that you are full, so you will eat less. Put down that damn slice of pizza, NOW!

"Eat whatever you want!" There's another favorite phrase. The ad showed people with plates full of food; spaghetti, hamburgers, hot dogs, desserts ~ all my favorite carbs ~ taking mouthfuls and rolling their eyes in ecstasy. I watched more of this ad only because  Patty Stanger (of Millionaire Matchmaker) was endorsing the product. Having a celebrity tout your product is very convincing, especially when you notice she has lost weight. I googled Sensa, scrolled past all of their ad sites until I got to the real reviews. This is where, alas, you find all the info you knew you were going to find about yet another miracle diet product. You discover that the company has tippy-toed right up to the edge of Credit Card Fraud and waggled their fingers over the line. And hey, those studies cited on the ad? The news show, "20/20", says that none of them were endorsed by any respectable body.

Believe me, O sisters, I have hopefully grasped at many of these straws during my life of mostly being a tad to a bunch overweight. All that these products did was suck the extra weight out of my wallet. Sometimes I got a little bonus though: huge pustule-like zits from Hydroxycut; headaches & jitters from some of the others. ... Although, there was one candy bar-like product which I liked because it enabled me to get so much housework done. I am sorry to report that I would buy it again but is off the market, probably due to the fact it is ~ hello! ~ unhealthy.

I have found that actual programs have been helpful. I've been a card-carrying member of Weight Watchers several times in my life, I've joined ediets in the past, and I have the South Beach Diet books. Each was effective for me for a while, and I like to believe that I have picked up bits of important information and tools to use from them all. At this point in time, I am trying to keep the South Beach principles in mind.

Other things I've found to be helpful are the inspiring books written by women who have lost weight, such as Half-Assed; A Weight Loss Memoir by Jennette Fulda and my favorite, Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid. I am always newly recharged after reading these books, and I reread them every so often. Also, some of the weight lose blogs I follow are great for motivation. These are written by women who, unlike dilly-dallying me, have set their caps firmly on their heads and determined they were going to lose the weight. And they are. Take Mrs. Munchberry at "I'm Just Puffy", for example. She's down over 50 pounds ~ no gimmicks, just honest hard work.

So. There ya go! The Happy Hag's Diet Review. "Rant" actually.
The only way that works for me to lose weight (other than lopping off a limb or two) is:

Diet, Determination & Exercise.

What works for you?

WARNING: FOOD PORN!

Picking up from my last post as to why oh WHY am I overweight...

 Baking is one of my hobbies.

I love to make food and feed it to the people I love (myself included).

 Lemon Curd Cheesecake. (CHEESEcake, for cryin' out loud)

Challah Bread

 Pumpkin Pie

Homemade Oreos

My Julia Child cookbooks way outnumber my Cooking Light cookbooks. And, sad as this sounds, if I'm cooking from a lighter recipe, I will add full-fat stuff instead of the low fat. Sigh.

My husband owns & runs a restaurant where we make awesome cheesesteaks, pizzas, burgers, wings and the like. I work there occasionally and will soon be there most mornings, as we are planning to open for breakfast in the next couple of weeks. It's our last push to make mulah before we are too old & feeble. Guess what we have! A "Donut Robot II"! That's right, a donut machine that drops the batter into hot LARD, then FRYS them and conveyor-belts them out the other end. OMG. 

So you see, my taste buds are in a constant state of arousal. 

Scrap booking or sewing would be much kinder on my waist line.

Fare Thee Well, Three Fat Chicks

After blogging on  3 Fat Chicks for over three years, I have so filled up my allotted space that I can't publish pictures anymore, and I'm a picture kind of girl. Also, I recently noticed that after I would post a new entry, it never appeared on the "updated blogs" list. Basically, except for a few folks that had me bookmarked, I was writing to myself. I already talk to myself, for cryin' out loud. It was getting mighty lonely. At the 3FC site, which is all about weight loss, I felt like I was breaking the rules by writing about stuff other than weight. Here, I feel free to discuss weight, age, men, kids, funny life events ~ my entire life, not just the fatty bits :)

I'll probably write most about weight issues, as I am toting around an extra 45 pounds from the slip of a girl I was when I got married almost 18 years ago. That's about equal to the huge bag of dog food I buy for our lovable mutt, Shadow. I think of this fact every other month as I hoist one of those bags into the cart.

Cripes! How did that happen?

It happened because I enjoyed my pregnancy a bit too much. Extra calcium was taken via Ben & Jerry's and the whole "eating for two" concept was heartily embraced by mommy-to-be me. After I delivered an amazing 9.91/2 lb. baby boy, I waited for the weight to "drop off" as friends & books assured me as I breast fed. Er, nope. Well, I did get down to 140 for a couple of years, and on my 5'7" frame, I was happy. I can't pinpoint why or how, but gradually the weight went up a little every year until here I am, at age 53 and at (just got on the scale first time in months) 179. My 16 year old pregnancy weight.

Onward! Today I did the treadmill for an hour with my neighbor girlfriend. We gab away and suddenly that hour seemed like 20 minutes. I have two friends that go to the same gym, and we try to keep each other spurred on. Some mornings when I feel I don't have it in me, one or another of these women will call and motivate me. Thank you Lord, for friends! The "workout buddy" works out for me.

As for foods, I'm loosely~ and O sister I mean loosely ~ following the South Beach way of eating. If I follow it to a T, I do lose weight, but I sure likes my occasional glass of wine.

Experimenting with the picture thingie. These are two of our three critters: Dinah the cat & Shadow the dog. Dinah is the boss. Humm, that was easy.